It’s time to break up with your legacy home phone service provider

Hello Alexander,

After more years than I care to count, I’m leaving you. It’s become crystal clear that you no longer have my best interests at heart. We’ll always share some fond memories, but I’m writing to let you know that you’ll no longer be my home phone service provider.

Let’s face it—you simply don’t care anymore. And since the FCC removed the price caps on copper-wire landlines, I feel like you’re taking advantage of me. I finally see the writing on the wall, or rather hear the crackling over the line.

I should have pulled the plug long ago, but change is scary. After all, we’ve been together since I moved into my first apartment and signed up for that cheesy party line. You know how loyal I am, but it’s time to move on.

You probably heard through the grapevine that the object of my affection is now Ooma. It’s true. Ooma meets all my home phone needs and service is free. All I have to pay are the applicable taxes and fees each month. The only reason I didn’t switch sooner was because I didn’t think my internet was fast enough to support VoIP phone service (It is—see for yourself).

I won’t miss your escalating bills. I won’t miss waiting around for a tech every time I want to add a new phone or feature. I won’t miss those nagging thoughts that my business just isn’t worth your time anymore.

Just so you know, I’ll be taking the phone number with me.

Please don’t call. I’m done with your sweet-talking offers—you can hustle your bundles elsewhere. I have nothing left to say, except it’s not me—it’s you!

Goodbye,
Ernestine